One of the things that I get emails about most often, (besides couponing questions) are questions about my divorce. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while then you know that in 2009 I got divorced from my husband of 7.5 years. In the aftermath we were forced to come up with a joint custody schedule that works for the both of us and the kids. I thought I’d share with you our arrangement, because I know that navigating kids schedules amidst going though a divorce is rough (divorce IS hell, btw).
Both my ex-husband and I were committed to making the transition as seamless for the kids as possible, which is why I continued to live with him for 9 months AFTER our divorce so our son could finish Kindergarten year without interruption. (Not sure if I recommend that..but anyway 
My ex-husband is in the Coast Guard and stationed on a boat, which means he leaves for 2-3 months at a time. During those times I have the children full time, however, when he is in port, we share custody 50/50 and split it up during the week. The fact that we live in the same town makes it a lot easier, kids can take the bus to either my house or the ex’s house and in the event that they forget something at our house, we can quickly drop it off at school or the ex’s.
A typical two week period looks like this:
Week 1:
Chrystie: Mon, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday
Ex-Husband: Wed, Thursday
Week 2:
Ex-Husband: Mon, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday
Chrystie: Wed, Thursday
Apart from that, we rotate holidays. So one year I’ll have the kids for Thanksgiving & not Christmas and the following year, I’ll have them for Christmas and NOT Thanksgiving.
Regardless of what joint custody arrangement you end up using, it will take some getting used to. I remember the first night without my kids, having dinner in my apartment in complete silence and thinking..is this it? Where is the noise? Where is the laughter? But now that I’ve grown accustomed to the schedule, it’s easier to manage and I take advantage of the days without the kids to catch up on my life, which can be hard at times, when you are a mom.
Each Thursday, I’ll be bringing you an article on divorce, if you have a specific topic that you’d like me to cover, please shoot me an email at cc@ilovetogossip.com. All information I receive will be kept confidential.
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I got divorced with children at the same age and managed a similar joint schedule. One of the things I like to point out to people who are newly divorced is that the scheduling gets easier as the kids get older. The kids will start making their own choices – and often, as they get older, they will be good ones. Birthday parties, family visits, vacations will dictate who goes where, and when – as time goes by controversies tend to minimize and life gets to be much “easier”. And honestly, you don’t even notice that its happening.
I totally agree.. as they get older and have “lives” & schedules of their own (extracurricular, part time jobs, study groups, friends etc.) – … visitation when a child is 15 is much different than when they are 5… each parent needs to be flexible and understanding of that
I think its wonderful that you and your ex split custody 50/50.
Kudos!! My ex and I stayed in the same town and split 50/50. It is very difficult at times but has worked great for the kids. It shows how much you both love your kids and you put them first. I also got divorced in 2009.
I dream and pray regularly for that situation in my divorce. Congratulations!
My question doesnt relate, I was just wondering if you got that lighted C from Watch What Happens Live? Love that show.
Haha. Nope! The photo was taken at a cupcake shop in Portland Maine!
good for you to remember to put the kids first. I unfortunately got divorced when my son was very young.. he is now 18. People were often surprised that my ex and I would sit together at games and various sports & academic banquets…My son never felt he had to choose who to sit with etc. – HIS family all sat together <3